Leah, Ocean, Surrogacy

This picture is myself and our gestational carrier, Leah, a few minutes after the embryo transfer. Baby was too small to see in the ultrasound that day, but the white line right in the middle is the saline solution where Ocean was hanging out. Watching the embryologist suck the embryo into the syringe and hand it to the doctor to squirt into the uterine lining, was very similar to the three previous times I'd seen this done. Though that moment was similar, of course the results have been very different!

We are so thankful for Leah's generosity to do this for us, and for the generous support and blessings from her husband, her children, her parents, her sisters, her in-laws, etc, to the whole team that is such a support for her as she carries our baby.

Sometimes I feel keen sadness that I'm not the one pregnant, but such feelings have become rare. I feel that I have grieved well the loss of my womb. While it may be an ongoing grief on this side of heaven or this side of a miracle, I believe the bulk of my grieving on that point has been accomplished. And after all the other loss I've gone through, I'm still in awe to truly have a baby on the way. I'm honestly just flooded with relief at this point.

When I carried Uri in my womb, when I co-labored with him through birth, I learned how sacred pregnancy truly is. I know what I'm missing out on with Ocean. 

But more than anything else, I'm just so glad that Ocean is plugged in and gestating safely. Even though it's not my heartbeat and my voice that baby is hearing throughout the day, even though I'm not the one who will feel all the kicks and rolls over the months, I'm just so glad Ocean lives and grows and will come home to my arms as soon as possible. I'm so glad that I will have a little one to put to my breast, a little one to love and raise and homeschool and everything.

I am blessed. I am thankful.

Mac n Cheese Dominoes

It doesn't take much to keep a baby entertained. They don't need a bunch of expensive toys or fancy gadgets. Uri ended up with quite a few hand-me-down toys as a toddler, but he barely played with them. No, he liked best to play with random household items. I think any youngling will play with just about anything that's at hand, if they know they can. Of course, dangerous items must be locked away or placed above the reach of small children. But there's nothing wrong with a few good kitchen boxes to make a nice game of dominoes!

Bookstore

Jacob and I like to go on dates a couple times a month, give or take. A few weeks ago this included a trip to the bookstore, where we each wandered contentedly for half an hour or so individually looking at books. At one point, I snapped a picture of Jacob when he wasn't looking. At another point, he snapped a picture of me when I wasn't looking. It was completely spontaneous and unplanned, and we laughed when we found out we'd both done it.

Never Lose Your Sense of Wonder

Another pinterest find. I've often contemplated this concept. One can lose their sense of wonder. I know my sense of wonder goes through seasons, and can sometimes lie dormant. But I feel it is important to cultivate the place in the heart that has awe both for God, and for God's creation. By God's creation, I don't just mean the great wonderful outdoors, though that is certainly worth seeing with wonder. No, I  mean anything God has created; directly or indirectly. God created the primary world, and mankind takes the resources He has given and sub-creates all sorts of wonderful things. We can wonder at a thunderstorm, a good book, an ice cream cone, a line of ants marching diligently along, or the mist hovering in the forest. We can wonder at the thick presence of the Holy Spirit in a room full of worshipers, or a cozy cup of hot cocoa, or the precious toes on a baby's foot. I could write for hours and not even begin to scratch the surface of things we might wonder at. I think enjoying such things and giving thanks to our Creator is fulfilling a good portion of our purpose here on earth. Blessings.