Garden Spring 2023

Early Spring

Later Spring

Expanding the garden with a nice lawn area was a long time in the making, and it was exciting when we finally got it done! :)

Happy Baby!

 Shiloh is a happy healthy growing 4-month-old baby!

5 - Grace - the desire AND ability

Receiving the grace of God is different from receiving the mercy of God. God is merciful to forgive us when we've messed up... but grace is his divine empowerment so we don't mess up in the first place! His grace is the desire to do things right, AND the ability to do things right. When we choose humility, He gives us His grace. God does want us to put effort in... but we're not on our own, relying on our effort alone. We are empowered by His grace. Amen.

And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” - James 4:6

Shiloh is my legal and biological daughter

I put this as a reel on FB, and I'm also sharing here:

Some couples do embryo adoption or use donor DNA, but even in those cases the gestational carrier is never related to the baby. Only in traditional surrogacy is the surrogate the baby’s genetic mother (like Hagar in the Bible) and that is rare and also illegal in most states. Myself and my husband are the genetic and legal parents of our baby, as is usually the case with gestational surrogacy. Many people are unfamiliar with the correct terminology, and maybe even unfamiliar with the logistics as well. I find myself wondering if people truly don’t know that I am my baby’s mother? Well to anyone who didn’t know, now you do! ;) 

Holy Spirit Scriptures

Here are all the scriptures referenced in last week's post and more!

The Baptism of the Holy Spirit

 

 

John 20:22

And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”

 

Acts 1:4-8

On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”

Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?”

He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

 

Acts 2 (read the whole chapter)

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. (vs. 1-4)

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for allwhom the Lord our God will call.” (vs. 38-39)

 

Acts 3:12

When Peter saw this, he said to them: “Fellow Israelites, why does this surprise you? Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk?”

 

Acts 4:31

After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.

 

Acts 6:3

Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them.

 

Acts 8:14-24

When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.

When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money and said, “Give me also this ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”

Peter answered: “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord in the hope that he may forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”

Then Simon answered, “Pray to the Lord for me so that nothing you have said may happen to me.”

 

Acts 8:39-40

When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Philip away, and the eunuch did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. Philip, however, appeared at Azotus and traveled about, preaching the gospel in all the towns until he reached Caesarea.

 

Acts 9:17-18

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

 

Acts 10:44-48

While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God.

Then Peter said, “Surely no one can stand in the way of their being baptized with water. They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have.” So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days.

 

Acts 11:15-17

“As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as he had come on us at the beginning. Then I remembered what the Lord had said: ‘John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’ So if God gave them the same gift he gave us who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I to think that I could stand in God’s way?”

 

Acts 19:1-6

While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples and asked them, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?”

They answered, “No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.”

So Paul asked, “Then what baptism did you receive?”

“John’s baptism,” they replied.

Paul said, “John’s baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus.” On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. There were about twelve men in all.

 

1 Corinthians 14:2-5

For anyone who speaks in a tongue does not speak to people but to God. Indeed, no one understands them; they utter mysteries by the Spirit. But the one who prophesies speaks to people for their strengthening, encouraging and comfort. Anyone who speaks in a tongue edifies themselves, but the one who prophesies edifies the church. I would like every oneof you to speak in tongues, but I would rather have you prophesy. The one who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues, unless someone interprets, so that the church may be edified. 

 

1 Corinthians 14:13-19

For this reason the one who speaks in a tongue should pray that they may interpret what they say. For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays, but my mind is unfruitful. So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will also pray with my understanding; I will sing with my spirit, but I will also sing with my understanding. Otherwise when you are praising God in the Spirit, how can someone else, who is now put in the position of an inquirer, say “Amen” to your thanksgiving, since they do not know what you are saying? You are giving thanks well enough, but no one else is edified.

I thank God that I speak in tongues more than all of you. But in the church I would rather speak five intelligible words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue.

 

1 Corinthians 14:27-28

If anyone speaks in a tongue, two—or at the most three—should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret. If there is no interpreter, the speaker should keep quiet in the church and speak to himself and to God.

 

Jude 1:20-21

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

 

John 14:15-17

If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 

 

John 14:25-26

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

 

John 16:8-13

When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:  about sin, because people do not believe in me; about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

 

Luke 11:11-13

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

 

4 - Baptism of the Holy Spirit

Let's take a look at what scripture says about this gift from the Father:

• Believers can have the Holy Spirit, commune with the Holy Spirit, and operate in the Fruit of the Spirit, whether they are baptized in the Spirit or not. (John 20:22)
• The baptism of the Holy Spirit is the gift promised by the father, and it empowers us. (Acts 1:4-8)
• In scripture we see people begin to speak in tongues once they’ve been baptized in the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:1-4, 10:44-48, 19:1-6)
• The gift is for all believers, both in the days of Acts and thereafter up to the present time. (Acts 2:38-39)
• We don’t see the early believers operating in power until after they’ve received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 3:12)
• Not all the believers in the early church were known to be full of the Spirit, though it is available to all and urged for all. (Acts 6:3, 1 Corinthians 14:2-5)
• In scripture we see people receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit sometimes with the laying on of hands, and sometimes without. It is a free gift from God and cannot be bought or sold. (Acts 8:14-24)
• The Holy Spirit can teleport people from one physical location to another. (Acts 8:39-40)
• Speaking in tongues was viewed as “evidence” of having been baptized in the Holy Spirit. (Acts 10:44-48) 
• Speaking in tongues edifies oneself and goes hand in hand with building oneself up in one’s most holy faith. It is desirable for every single believer to speak in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:2-5, Jude 1:20-21)
• Speaking in tongues is one’s spirit praying, though the mind does not understand. It is valuable to pray both in tongues, and in one’s own language with understanding. Speaking intelligible words among gathered believers is more profitable unto the body, as opposed to speaking in tongues which edifies the individual. (1 Corinthians 14:13-19)
• In a gathering of believers, people should only speak in tongues if there is an interpreter, or they should keep quiet and speak to themselves and to God in tongues. (1 Corinthians 14:27-28)
• The Holy Spirit is the advocate sent by the Father. He teaches us all things and reminds us of everything Jesus has said to us. He will literally bring just the right thing to our memory right when we need it most. (John 14:15-17, 25-26)
• The Holy Spirit guides us into all truth, and He tells us what is yet to come. (John 16:8-13)
• The Father is eager and willing to give us the baptism of the Holy Spirit! Whether a spirit-filled brother or sister in Christ lays hands on us, or whether we ask the Father in our own private prayer closet, no matter the circumstance, the Father is eager to give us this gift! (Luke 11:11-13) Also, it is important to note, He will not force us to open our mouths and speak. We must choose to “loosen our tongues” and vocalize to “prime the pump” and allow the speaking of tongues to take place. And above all we must remember how eager the Father is to give us this good gift!

Childhood

I want my daughter to have a vibrant childhood. I want her to pursue her curiosities, read so many books, make mud pies, climb and run and dance and sing. I want her to know she is capable and has the ability to learn and master new skills with her hands and new intellectual pursuits with her mind. I want her to know that she can be kind and generous. I want her to be responsible and confident, for it to be second-nature for her to give and receive honor. I want her to do all the crafts she sets her mind to, pursue various hobbies, and know that she is always learning. I want her imagination to be stirred and touched by the literature she reads and that we read together as a family. I want to be so intentional in the first 5 years - the most formative years - to establish a rhythm and routine and value system that will define our family. Principles of honor, accountability, compassion, and more.

I have studied various parenting styles, both by reading/listening/researching, and also hands on as a nanny to various families over the years. And, of course, by being a parent to Shiloh's big brother Uri. Maybe someday, when I am an empty nester, I will write a parenting book myself. But for now I can do no better than to point to my three favorite parenting books. For the Children's Sake is 100% pure gold, I would hand out copies to everyone alive if I could. Hunt, Gather, Parent is a very practical book of which one must "eat the meat and spit out the bones" so to speak. But I tell you, the meat is so SO good! Shepherding a Child's Heart does an excellent job outlining solid biblical parenting, and blended with the heart and soul of the other two books is a wonderful backbone.

I am enjoying my cuddly little baby to be sure, so so so much! And at the same time, I am also looking forward to raising her and enjoying each stage that is to come! The joys of childhood must be nurtured, we must make space for all the wonder that can be. As Susan Schaeffer Macaulay says, "Careful, we only get to be a child once!" 

(Jamie as a child)

3 - New Creation vs. Old Creation

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. - Romans 8:5-9

While God has given us a set of guidelines to live by, we must recognize that they are the protection of a loving father, not the restrictions of a tyrannical bully. Also, we must recognize that there are different parts of a human being. Perhaps another time we will talk about Spirit, Soul, and Body... but today the focus is on our "New Creation" vs. our "Old Creation".

When we die with Christ, we die to the "Old Creation", the part of ourselves that is hostile to God and incapable of pleasing Him. The Old Creation is selfish, evil, and petty. The New Creation is kind, holy, and beautiful. Some believers get caught in a trap of "performance", constantly trying to force their Old Creation to live righteously. This is not good! The only solution is for the Old Creation to stay dead!!! When we live from our New Creation, we do not make righteous choices to "perform", but rather because it is our nature to live rightly. So it must become a daily habit to say "no" to self, and keep the Old Creation in the grave. Then we live in life and peace that comes from being who we truly are: the New Creation.

Shiloh Ocean Hyland

I recently posted an update on our gofundme, announcing Baby Ocean's official name (Shiloh Ocean Hyland!), and asking for help with our next surrogacy journey for our final embryo. Here's the link where you can read the update. :) Also feel free to share and help get the word out!

https://gofund.me/cbc86ca8

2 - Water Baptism

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.” - Acts 2:37-39

After salvation, the next step is water baptism for the remission of sin. It is a declaration and an expression of a new reality, that the "old creation" has been put to death, and the "new creation" is now alive. That we have died with Christ on the cross as an old creation, and have been raised to life with Him as a new creation. If you look at the Hebrew words for baptism, there are two different words. The meaning of the Greek words is made clear by an ancient Greek pickle recipe, in which you are instructed to briefly dunk the cucumber in boiling water (this is the word for water baptism), then submerse it in vinegar and leave it there too soak it in constantly (this is the word for the baptism of the Holy Spirit). Obviously we do not want to physically dunk people in water and leave them there, they would physically drown! But, like the pickle being dunked quickly in the water and removed, the physical act of water baptism is quick and finite. The act of spiritual baptism is different. We are called to dwell in the spirit, just as the pickle then dwells in the vinegar, and this is not a physical reality but a spiritual reality.

Again, not an exhaustive explanation, just jotting down a few quick thoughts on each topic here! My baby has fallen asleep wrapped to me, so I take the opportunity to stand and get some typing done.

1 - Salvation

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -  1 John 1:9

Of course, everything starts with salvation. I recognize that I am a sinner, I repent for all my sins, and I am born again as a new creation in the family of God. Viola!

Well, actually, there is of course a lot more to it than that. But this is where it all starts, and this is holy ground. Some believers have been given the impression that all their sins and problems will magically melt away in this moment, and alas, this is not so. For we must "work out our salvation with fear and trembling", and there's a lot of nitty-gritty to walk through. But that doesn't make this initial moment of salvation any less sacred or holy. For in that moment, our accounts are washed clean. The list of charges charged against us is now on Jesus' tab, for He has paid for it, and we are no longer responsible for all our outstanding debts; He has paid.

Praise the Lord. :)

Christianity 101

While Ocean was napping, I settled down with my notebook and worked on my list of "Christianity 101" topics. This is not an exhaustive list, but it's a start. And I'm planning to make an individual post touching briefly on each item. They won't be anywhere near exhaustive, but it'll be good. Whole books could be written on each topic, and indeed, whole books have been. There is value in such books, but, at the end of the day, it is scripture alone that we need to teach us. Still, I hope you'll enjoy my small thoughts on each topic, for small thoughts is all I have time to write in this season! I definitely have big thoughts as well, but perhaps in another season of life I will write more.

 

Favor upon the Children

 "The Blessing" by Kari Jobe always causes strong emotions in my soul.

The Lord bless you

And keep you

Make His face shine upon you

And be gracious to you

The Lord turn His

Face toward you

And give you peace

Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen

May His favor be upon you

And a thousand generations

And your family and your children

And their children, and their children

My heart resounds with the words. Even with the loss of my son, I know the favor of the Lord carried him seamlessly from our arms to the arms of the Father in Heaven. Until that last line - (May His favor be upon you, and your family and your children) And their children, and their children. My heart breaks again every time. Uri's blood cries out from the ground, for his entire bloodline was cut off. Uri's children, and their children, and their children. 

But just as Abel's bloodline was cut off and his blood cried out from the ground, he had a younger sibling, Seth, who came to carry the legacy forward in place of his brother. So now does Uri have a younger sibling. Ocean will never replace Uri just as Seth never replaced Abel. All the same, here she is, a miracle and treasure all in her own right. May she be blessed, and her children, and their children. Amen.

How I'm Doing 2021

I came across this picture I took in August of 2021, two years ago! Friends of friends were asking how I was doing, and friends wanted to know what to tell friends of friends. This was my solution! A visual on how my scars were doing, and a peak into my emotional state as well for anyone who felt like looking up a bunch of scriptures. ;)

 

Her Older Brother's Toys

Ocean is a little sister to a big brother in heaven. But he has left his mark. On the hearts of Mama and Dada, on the hearts of so many others, and even on the backyard. Seeing his ball, his bikes, his swing... fills this Mama's heart with such mixed emotion. Sorrow, missing my boy. And a spark of anticipation, knowing the day will come to give everything a good scrub so little sister can play too. I live a life that is bittersweet, both today and in the days to come. Praise the Lord for the sweetness this little girl brings.

Helpful Distinctions for Today

I found this gem floating around the internet somewhere, and I'm sharing it here. Truly, these are indeed helpful distinctions to keep in mind in this day and age with so much confusion in society!

 

Ocean's Birth

A hospital birth is not what any of us wanted, but at the end of the day we are just thankful our pretty princess made it out of the womb safely! As our surrogate Leah described it, she birthed the baby, looked up, and the room was filled with a whole swat team of hospital staff doing various tasks! I'm not even sure what they were all doing, but Leah got taken care of and Ocean was placed on my chest for the golden hour of bonding and nursing, so all's well that ends well. I birthed Uri in the comfort and privacy of home with no one but Jacob to assist me, until the midwives and my sister-in-law arrived 20 minutes later, and the midwives did all of Uri's newborn care. Leah also birthed all her own babies at home. So the hospital with its myriad of staff and bright lights was a very different experience, but we got taken care of and all is well. Leah is well, Jacob and I and Ocean are well, all are well. Leah and her family got a chance to see Ocean and say farewell, Jacob and I were so thankful to get home and sleep in our own beds after 16 days of camping out waiting for Ocean to be born, and we've settled in so nicely with our little treasure. Thanks to all for the prayers and for everyone who brought us meals and everything!

Here's a picture of Jacob cleaning Ocean off before we left Leah's room to take baby to our own hospital room.

Also, for the record - Ocean is not a tiny baby! She may have started off at 3% when the monitoring began, but she grew to 52% by the time she was born! Little champ! 😍

Some Things I have Learned from Various Mothers over the Years

My mom taught me how to read and write.

My grandma taught me how to sew.

My nana taught me that whimsical things are delightful.

Sandy taught me how to knit.

Valerie taught me how to make fried rice, pesto, and spaghetti sauce.

Barb taught me that I can sweep the rugs, they don't need to be vacuumed.

Tammie taught me that it's okay to keep things simple and straightforward.

Peggy taught me that sometimes practical steps can help cultivate an abundance mindset.

Maralee taught me how to bake apple-cake.

Melody, and many others, taught me how sweet it is to be surrounded by a community of people cheering you on and building you up.

Karen taught me to use a toothbrush to rub in the spray-n-wash to get out stubborn stains.

Jalene taught me what signs to look for to discern how vulnerable a person's spiritual walk is as I'm seeking to support, encourage, and build people up.

Lynette taught me about parenting, and the difference between a bill and an explanation of benefits.

Marie taught me that it is important in parenting to "let them struggle", so they can have the joy and satisfaction of overcoming challenges on their own, even something as small as a toddler struggling to climb up onto the couch.

Roseanne taught me how to make biscuits and gravy the easy way, by sprinkling the flour over the meat first so you don't have to spend so much time whipping it into the liquid.

Nora taught me how to babywear with different carriers.

Colleen taught me about the value of emotional self-care in trying times.

Chantelle taught me that when one is willing to sit and talk, linger, not rush away, deep conversations can happen and lasting bonds can be formed over the scriptures even in a single evening.

Kellsey taught me how to use a breastmilk pump and how to trim a baby's nails.

Dawnmarie taught me that Marco Polo is a brilliant way to stay in touch, and that keeping friendly chatter fosters sweet friendship even over many miles of distance.

Hannah taught me that "I can do anything for 2 minutes", is a great way to think about the contractions of natural birth.

Kristen taught me that natural birth, "extended" breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and attachment parenting in general are sweet, precious, a delightful way to meet the emotional needs of a precious little person who is not little for very long.

Rosalind taught me how to check for signs of a concussion, how to drive in the snow, and that there's nothing awkward about a mother nursing her child in public.

Ashley taught me the phrase "germ-friendly", a mindset that is very beneficial to have.

Jan taught me that it was common knowledge in the previous generation that "a kid's gotta eat so much dirt in order to build up a healthy immune system".

Rachel taught me how to make lunch wraps and strawberry peanut butter breakfast toast.

Bonnie taught me that one can age graciously, exuding sweetness despite a lifetime of dealing with this earth.

Susan taught me how to make Brazilian rice.

.... These are the ones that come to mind, but I'm sure there are many more. Life is made up of little moments, and the little things that we receive from and contribute to others matter. I am grateful to all the mothers who have invested in me over the years. I was once a young woman, but now I am a middle-aged woman who feels like an older woman. I will continue to be a learner my whole life, and I will also pass on the things I've learned to others as well. I hope others are inspired, as I am, to ponder and value the contributions you can make to others, and the contributions others have made to you.

Garden Winter 2023

In the winter things were in shambles. But not for long...

I tidied up, raked the leaves and debris, and suddenly the garden started looking nice again! :)

I also harvested some beets and carrots, which had been too small to pick in the autumn. I had them on display for a few days in the kitchen, then ate them up. I thought they tasted pretty good!

 That's all for now.

Baby Ocean

We are so happy welcome home our new daughter! We are over the moon for our precious little girl! I love the light in Jacob's eyes as he adores her. I love her peaceful little grunts as I nurse her and the wide-eyed look in her eyes as she takes in her world day by day. Praise the Lord for this little miracle lighting up our world!

Elementary Principles of Christ

I've always found it fascinating that these six items are listed as the "elementary" principles of Christ. It makes me think of Sherlock saying, "Elementary, my dear Watson!" I like that the resurrection of the dead is on this list. Some people say it refers to the way we are resurrected to new life in Christ, and yet others argue that it refers to the physical raising of the dead. Perhaps it is one, the other, or both. Either way, I like to think the physical raising of the dead is not only within the realm of possibility, but could possibly be an "elementary" principle. ;)

 

5.5 Years of Marriage

Marriage is divine and beautiful. Marriage is full of the nitty-gritty and iron sharpening iron. Marriage is the proper foundation for a family, the opportunity for deep intimacy, the most ideal stronghold from which to build legacies of faith and love unto the generations. The enemy has been on a rampage attacking marriage since time began, with varied levels of success throughout the centuries of history. All married people know what it is like to taste moments of disappointment or loneliness, as we come into contact with the reality that our spouse cannot meet our deepest needs: only God can. Yet we can meet many of each other's needs, fueled by God's grace. 

Whether in marriage or in other relationships, it is crucial that we live from our new creation, not our old creation. That we live in humility, graciousness, kindness, long-suffering, patience, and the other fruit of the spirit. Relating to other people is challenging, just in general. We are called upon to find the balance between holding healthy boundaries while also laying down our lives and looking out for the interest of others, practicing self-denial and selfless love towards each other.

It is important to know that we are whole and complete in Christ as individuals. Ten years ago in discipleship school I was taught to think of this as "the lesson of singleness", to be able to rest in my identity as a whole and complete person in Christ. Therefore I can approach my marriage as a whole person, because in God's arithmetic 1 + 1 = 1. One man + one woman = one unit. If we are each operating as 1/2 a person and expecting someone else to complete us, we will run into problems very fast.

But when we each know our identity in Christ, so much of the pressure is off. We're free to enjoy each other in new ways. We're less affected by each other's shortcomings, and more affected by each other's strengths. We're free to serve one another, celebrate one another, flirt, be playful, and side-by-side bear each other's burdens and the tasks of this life.

There is a time and a place for couple's counseling to better grasp tools of communication and cooperatively navigating the challenges of life; but the deepest indicators of success come from individual devotion towards pursuing God and wholeness in Him, firm knowledge of one's identity in Christ and willingness to lay down one's life for others.

This is important whether you are a married or not. Your value comes solely from the fact that you are made in the image of God, loved unconditionally, and able to respond and have relationship first with God before others. If you haven't experienced a healthy marriage, that doesn't reduce your value in any way. The highest goal in this life is to live a life abandoned to Christ, in whatever life situation you may find yourself in. 

I am aware that those reading this may come from a variety of situations. Happily married. Married but not happy. Separated or divorced. Bereaved. Never married. At the end of the day my message is the same to everyone. Your value comes from God, He desires you to rest in your identity from Him as a whole person made in His image, and to daily seek to become more Christlike from a place of wholeness. This enables us to better love and serve others, whether that is our children, siblings, parents, co workers, spouse, etc, and allows us to find contentment regardless of the moods or actions of those around us. 

Jacob and I have known deep grief in this life from external circumstances, and we have at times caused each other unhappiness as well. But we both continue to grow in Christlikeness, in humbly serving each other in love, in apologizing when we've caused hurt feelings, in seeking to avoid repeating an offense, in studying each other to better learn how to fill each other's love cups to the best of our ability. We laugh, we flirt, we play, we share our hearts with each other. We have been married for 5 1/2 years. We danced on our wedding day, and we're still dancing now. 💖