5.5 Years of Marriage

Marriage is divine and beautiful. Marriage is full of the nitty-gritty and iron sharpening iron. Marriage is the proper foundation for a family, the opportunity for deep intimacy, the most ideal stronghold from which to build legacies of faith and love unto the generations. The enemy has been on a rampage attacking marriage since time began, with varied levels of success throughout the centuries of history. All married people know what it is like to taste moments of disappointment or loneliness, as we come into contact with the reality that our spouse cannot meet our deepest needs: only God can. Yet we can meet many of each other's needs, fueled by God's grace. 

Whether in marriage or in other relationships, it is crucial that we live from our new creation, not our old creation. That we live in humility, graciousness, kindness, long-suffering, patience, and the other fruit of the spirit. Relating to other people is challenging, just in general. We are called upon to find the balance between holding healthy boundaries while also laying down our lives and looking out for the interest of others, practicing self-denial and selfless love towards each other.

It is important to know that we are whole and complete in Christ as individuals. Ten years ago in discipleship school I was taught to think of this as "the lesson of singleness", to be able to rest in my identity as a whole and complete person in Christ. Therefore I can approach my marriage as a whole person, because in God's arithmetic 1 + 1 = 1. One man + one woman = one unit. If we are each operating as 1/2 a person and expecting someone else to complete us, we will run into problems very fast.

But when we each know our identity in Christ, so much of the pressure is off. We're free to enjoy each other in new ways. We're less affected by each other's shortcomings, and more affected by each other's strengths. We're free to serve one another, celebrate one another, flirt, be playful, and side-by-side bear each other's burdens and the tasks of this life.

There is a time and a place for couple's counseling to better grasp tools of communication and cooperatively navigating the challenges of life; but the deepest indicators of success come from individual devotion towards pursuing God and wholeness in Him, firm knowledge of one's identity in Christ and willingness to lay down one's life for others.

This is important whether you are a married or not. Your value comes solely from the fact that you are made in the image of God, loved unconditionally, and able to respond and have relationship first with God before others. If you haven't experienced a healthy marriage, that doesn't reduce your value in any way. The highest goal in this life is to live a life abandoned to Christ, in whatever life situation you may find yourself in. 

I am aware that those reading this may come from a variety of situations. Happily married. Married but not happy. Separated or divorced. Bereaved. Never married. At the end of the day my message is the same to everyone. Your value comes from God, He desires you to rest in your identity from Him as a whole person made in His image, and to daily seek to become more Christlike from a place of wholeness. This enables us to better love and serve others, whether that is our children, siblings, parents, co workers, spouse, etc, and allows us to find contentment regardless of the moods or actions of those around us. 

Jacob and I have known deep grief in this life from external circumstances, and we have at times caused each other unhappiness as well. But we both continue to grow in Christlikeness, in humbly serving each other in love, in apologizing when we've caused hurt feelings, in seeking to avoid repeating an offense, in studying each other to better learn how to fill each other's love cups to the best of our ability. We laugh, we flirt, we play, we share our hearts with each other. We have been married for 5 1/2 years. We danced on our wedding day, and we're still dancing now. 💖